Winter and Masturbation...They Both Grow Old

cheers chuckleheads!!

Did that greeting sound, or read, like I forced it?

Well it should.

Poor ol’ Matty Boy is under the weather emotionally…Literally.  I have had enough of winter…especially this winter.

This winter drags on and on without significant snowfall or arctic temps.  It continues to be merely a quasi-cold, dreary, and gray winter, and yet clings to and tortures my soul and good nature like grim death.

And?  It somewhat mirrors where my life is right now, especially as to where my lack of sex life is concerned.

Listen…My BFF/OSP, and compadre Schmoop got very sick back in October.  And while her illness is no longer life-threatening, she had major surgery and still has an obnoxious tube jutting from her stomach.

It’s been five months and will be at least six months when all is said and done before I can once again touch her in the biblical sense.

And that’s predicated on the fact she’ll once again allow me to “touch her!!”  Which?  Always remains in question once she is free from her bile duct tube bondage.

Anyhoo…

With the lovely Schmoop sexually incapacitated over lo these many winter months, I have had to seek an alternative method of sexual fulfillment, namely, masturbation.  And you know what?

It’s just not doing it for me anymore.  It’s kinda like how I feel about winter itself.

I LOVE summer, but I still in my advanced years, get excited about the first snowfall.  It’s all pure, clean, and pretty, and then…after a few, long, turgid months of the alabaster shit, I am ready for the grass to once again grow green.

It’s been the same way about masturbating these past few months with Schmoop on injured reserve.  Sure the first few times were pretty cool, because I was envisioning dorking Tyra Banks, Kate Upton, and Jon Meachem, but lately?

As the winter grows long, so do the cramps in my hand and the callouses upon my penis, and my thoughts have turned to cheap and tawdry masturbation.

Due to the dreariness of this Ohio winter, in the morning when I awake and see yet another gray and melancholy sky…I touch myself and think of dirty, unwashed chicks like, Kristen Stewart and Amy Winehouse.

It’s just…not…right.  Especially the Amy Winehouse thing because she’s dead and it’s like I’m participating in some kind of Haitian necrophilia masturbation, voodoo ceremony.

Ick…

I long for Spring and its verdant and awe-inspiring colors, because if Schmoop still has the tube in her, I can at least jack-off in a better and more hopeful mood, and envision myself having a three-way with Kate Upton and Tyra Banks.

That would be nice.

So…During this Lenten Season, could you all say a prayer for me?  I have given up Rose.  I have given up Steel Reserve, and by de facto dictate I have given up sex, because, listen….

My hand is tired of me; I am tired of my hand, and Schmoop’s tube isn't coming out for another few weeks. So...help a brutha out and pray for me.  Aight?

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws

Annnnnnd, if you missed Jayman and I yesterday LIVE on Blog Talk Radio, you can catch us in the archives. We talked Chuck Hagel, Seth MacFarlane, the Oscars, and cunts!!  It was awesome!!

Oscars Fashion Report with Bonnie & Clyde

Hola y’all! Bonnie Boner and Clyde S. Dale are here for IWS with the only Oscars Fashion Report you’ll need. They’re gonna talk about who looked great and not so great on Hollywood’s biggest night.

Bonnie: Thanks so much to the guys at IWS for asking us to do the Fashion Report! We’re soooo excited, right Clyde?
Clyde: OHHH ….. MYGOD! This is the most exciting thing that has happened to me since I saw Lance Bass doing the walk of shame outside of my West Village apartment at 7 am one Sunday morning!
Bonnie: Okay, we should get started. I’M SO EXCIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITED!
Clyde: Honey, you need to calm down! Although, it is nice to see you living up to your last name.

First up: Anne Hathaway…

Bonnie: I really do love Anne. I mean, she’s a truly gifted actress and a really great human being. I know that because she’s told me that she’s both of those things over and over and over. And, judging by this picture she’s happy to see me! It’s okay though I’ve seen her boobs more times than I’ve seen my own. We get it Anne, you’ve got great boobs. Thanks.

Clyde: Girl, we need to head up to San Quentin and find some guys who are in prison for a gang rape and have them hold her down and force feed her a cheeseburger. And what’s with the hair? Seriously Anne, even Daniel Day Lewis didn’t stay in character all the way to the Oscars. Let the hair grow out again and stop barfing up your dinner.

Next we have Jennifer Aniston…

Bonnie: Well, it certainly was a surprise to see Jen there. I mean, we know she isn’t there because she was nominated for anything. I guess they just took pity on her and offered to let her present. Hollywood is so full of caring people like that.

Clyde: It is, Bonnie and you’d think she would pay her friends who got her into this back by actually dressing up and at least pretending to enjoy the event. I get that she’s depressed that she’s about that age where in a few years she will have to buy a ticket, but that’s no reason to be such a sourpuss.

Okay, now we’ve got Octavia Spencer…

Bonnie: Oh dear. Well, look, Octavia is a very nice person, I met her once when I accidentally thought she was clearing tables and washing dishes at Chateau Marmot one night. It was an honest mistake.

Clyde: Yeah, and we know who was eating all of Anne Hathaway’s leftovers too! And the desserts! Hey-OOOOOOOOO!

And real quick, last one in this segment is Heidi Klum…

Bonnie: Wow! You know, I’m not saying that Heidi doesn’t look good for someone so … well, someone her age, but is it really necessary to be hanging out all over the place? God, we’ve seen those things enough anyway. And, quit pretending that they’re still naturally that firm and perky!

Clyde: IKNOWRITE? Girl, if you took those implants out and burned them that silicone would create so much white smoke they would see it all the way in Rome and think they found a new Pope already. Besides, it’s not like Heidi is actually an actress or anything like that. There’s just no reason to show up at a party to celebrate a group you’re not a part of dressed like you’re ready to sample some sausages in the back after the show Fräulein.

Okay, that’s it for the first segment of today’s Fashion Report on IWS. Be sure to stay with us through the break because when we come back we’re gonna answer the question “Which will Kristen Stewart do first? Sober up, or shower?” Also, later in the show we’ll have female bloggers from various feminist sites on to dish more fashion AND talk about what a mean, hateful, sexist, racist and misogynist jerk Seth MacFarlane is. You don’t want to miss that!

Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

Also, be sure to join us for I Love My Khuntry on I'm With Stupid as we talk about all the hoopla and over the top fake outrage and anger over this year's Oscars as well as other big news of the week at 11 AM ET! 

Khunt...Say it...It's Funny

Cheers y’all!!

Seems that some folks are in an uproar over the satirists at The Onion for referring to 9-year old actress Quvenzhané Wallis as a, “cunt.”

Many people are OUTRAGED and have asked for the writers to RESIGN, IMMEDIATELY!!

Let’s get into the crux and impetus of the matter of said “offensiveness” today of a couple of words, shall we? Cool.

Let’s take a look at the word, “cunt”…

Pfffffft. Big deal. You know where the word comes from?

Cunt means, vagina or vulva, etc. It is clearly derived from words from many ancient Indo-European, Hittite, Sanskrit, and Latin-based Romance languages.

Even Chaucer used it in a well accepted sense in, The Canterbury Tales (The Miller’s Tale, line 90, "queynte") to describe the vagina.

It’s been around for centuries, but exactly what happened?

Someone, no doubt a cunt woman, decided along the way (and in lieu of brevity I am not going to get into the details) that the word, in spite of its history and etymology, was a derogatory term for a woman.

Whatever…

Most women I know do have a vulva, but if that upsets you…Have at it, but most men want it, you control it, and you’re not enjoying the full power of your cunt.

Now, let us turn our attention to the word, “nigger”. “Haaaaaaaaaghast. No he didn’t!!?” Yeah, I said that.

This word comes from Latin (niger) and a Spanish derivative (negro) meaning black. It was for centuries, merely a colorful adjective.

It referred to dark-skinned people, mainly Africans. But guess what happened?

Someone, probably some black bitch er... cunt...er African-American decided along the way, that the term, in spite of its history and etymology, is a derogatory word for people of dark skin and/or African descent.

Whatever…

I know…I know...It's offensive because “black” people aren't all black or, “niger."

Yeah, well white folks aren’t all white. Some are pasty white, pale, and/or more of a peach color or variations thereof.

Whatever…

It’s just a general description, people!! Does that really annoy you? If it does? Have at it, and revel in your racial superciliousness.

Listen, I am not advocating the use of the aforementioned words, but try this…

If a person calls you a cunt, just laugh and say, “Yeah, I have one and you’ll never get it.”

If someone calls you a nigger, just laugh and say, “You are very observant.”

My point is this…

Derogatory terms are only derogatory if we lend them credence.  If one believes in him or herself, these words shouldn't have any effect.

In fact, if someone directs either of these terms at you in an angry sense, you probably don’t give a shit about that person anyway.

People who use terms in an attempt to elicit an angry response are prime examples of this adage:

“The greater the ignorance, the greater the dogmatism.”

If we react in an angry way towards the slings and arrows of those types of slurs, we devolve into a level of their ignorance, especially if their words are baseless.

If however, we believe in ourselves, walk away, and without response, realize that we are good people…

Over time, those words used in a derogatory fashion will lose their effect, and much like the original meaning of those words, will fade into the past.

But let me tell you…When Quvenzhané Walli had her name read as a Best Actress nominee  She yukked it up and clapped for herself like a little school girl, and well... acted like a cunt.  A nigger cunt at that.

Cheers!!
Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws

Overrated and Underrated

Hola y’all! The late, great Christopher Hitchens once declared that “the four most overrated things in life are champagne, lobsters, anal sex, and picnics.” Man, that dude was pretty observant wasn’t he? Anyway, I thought I would put together a little list of things that are overrated and underrated for you guys today.

Overrated: NFL’s obsession with a player’s 40-Time. So a guy can run 40 yards in 4.3 seconds. That’s great. How ‘bout making sure he can pick up a blitz? Or better yet, hold onto the football when someone hits him.

Underrated: Sour Cream and Onion Pringles. Oh sure, Nacho Cheese Doritos are the bomb, but Pringles provides us with a really quality product with great taste in a very convenient tennis ball tube. You can’t beat that.

Overrated: The 80’s. Sure, everyone remembers the 80’s so fondly, but three words. Acid. Wash. Denim.

Underrated: Chrissy Teigen. Everyone slobbers all over Kate Upton and her great big unnatural and somewhat scary boobs, but totally forgets about the super hawt, sweet Chrissy and her delightfully weird Twitter feed.

Overrated: Snow. Sure it’s pretty and all that, but it brings out a level of panic in people that just isn’t healthy. 90% of the people on the road become a huge threat to our wellbeing as soon as they see the first snowflake. Worse than that even is the nationwide panic that ensues anytime a major winter storm moves across the country.

Underrated: PBS. Most Saturdays I leave my TV on PBS the entire afternoon. Home improvement, gardening and cooking shows beat virtually everything else on TV.

Overrated: College Basketball. These kids coming out of high school today can’t play the game. They can’t dribble, pass, shoot, rebound, play defense or hit their free throws. Other than that they’re a blast to watch.

Underrated: Silence. Just sitting there reading a book with no radio or TV on is one of life’s little pleasures that people forget to take advantage of.

Overrated: Smartphones. There is such a thing as being “too connected” guys. You can’t get away from people if you have a smartphone. No matter where you go or what you do they can contact you in some way. Also, you are paying a ridiculous amount each month to do things on your smartphone that would be much easier and more enjoyable on that laptop sitting right next to you.

Underrated: People watching. People are hilarious when they don’t realize someone is watching them. Just kicking back on a park bench or at the mall or airport or a casino and watching people as they wander aimlessly through life is just about as much fun as you can have with your clothes on.

Overrated:  Home ownership. While it does provide some pros, there are so many cons to owning a home and spending all your free time trying to keep it up tops the list of cons. All that yard work isn’t exactly fun either. But what sucks most about home ownership is that you’ll NEVER get back what you put into it. You add up the principal plus the interest plus all the expenses of fixing every little thing that needs it and you’ll spend 3 or 4 times what you finally get back on a house the day you sell it.

Underrated: Frozen Pizza: Frozen pizza gets a bad rap, but it can actually be pretty damn yummy. Of course, sometimes it needs a little help from you. The problem with most frozen pizzas is they need more toppings. Okay, put more topping son them! More pepperoni, maybe salami, slice up summer sausage or kielbasa and some shredded Colby and mozzarella cheese you can fancy up that .99 cent frozen pizza from Aldi nicely.

Overrated: Buffets: Badly prepared food that you probably don’t really want anyway that’s been sitting around for the last hour and is either super-hot or cold? I’ll pass. Not to mention the fact that kids have probably touched everything on the food bar with their snot covered fingers. Pizza buffets are actually the worst. The only thing they put out is cheese pizzas or something with green peppers or pineapple on it. Gross.

Underrated: Podcasting. Everyone should have a podcast. Wait, almost everyone does! Anyway, you can talk about anything you want. Do comedy bits. Interview interesting people and do it all without anyone trying to control your content.

Okay, that’s enough for now. We’ll revisit this from time to time in the future I’m sure. Maybe I’ll even change my mind about some of these things. Feel free to tell me what YOU think is overrated/underrated in comments.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

Speaking of Podcasting and people who are underrated, we have a wild and crazy time on IWS this weekend. Our very special guest was the wildly popular and somewhat infamous Debi Daly! We talked about haters, stalkers, elite troll teams and all kinds of other fun stuff. Definitely check it out! 

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

IWS Babe of the Week: Little Debbie Cakes

Last night on the IWS Radio Show hung out Blog Talk Radio superstar Debi Daly as she talked about her career as a troll magnet.  So, in honor of her and all the other hot Debis, Debbys, and Debbies out there we give you this week's IWS Babe of the Week, and as we all know...

First out of the box Debbie Gibson, or does she go by Debra now?  Who cares...Shut up and sing you hottie you...

Here we have Debbbie Sath...I'm not sure who she is or what she does, but as long as she keeps on looking like this, who cares..?

Could we have a list of hot Debbys without Debbie Harry?  I don't fucking think so, but if you do, you need dirt sleep...

An American Icon...Debbie Reynolds.  She can sing, dance, act, be funny and cute as a button!!

And lastly, the muse for last night's IWS Radio Show, Debi Daly.  Smooooookin' hot and wonderful to hang with on the radio...

And there you have it, the IWS Debbies of the Week!!

If you missed the aforementioned IWS show with the lovely Mizz Debi last night, you can catch all the hot mess action and hilarity below.  Debi was an awesome guest and she is welcome back anytime.  So give it a listen as she tell Jay and Matt all about the troll, hater, and stalker problems she has had over the years....

Matt Said Jay Said Debi Daly Edition

Matt slurs, Jay slurs, You look on with disgust and pity.

Matt: Yo Yo Diggity Yo!
Jay: I’m sorry I have the wrong number.
Matt: Jayman is in the Hizzy-House!
Jay: I think it’s either “Hizzy” or Hizzouse”
Matt: Or, in my case, the “Bagizzy Digs”
Jay: Yeah, I don’t know about that.
Matt: I like it.
Jay: Well, that’s all that matters I guess.
Matt: Damn right.
Jay: Screw everyone else!
Matt: Their opinion means nothing.
Jay: Who are they to question your use of “Bagizzy Digs” or “Bagizzy Digizzy”
Matt: No, not Digizzy. That just sounds silly.
Jay: Yeah, good call.
Matt: People can call THEIR Hizzies whatever THEY want.
Jay: Well of course they can. THIS IS IS AMERICA!
Matt: FREEEEDOMMMMMMMM!

Jay: I guess that tapping on your windows last night really was sleet.
Matt: I’m sorry it wasn’t a serial killer.
Jay: I wasn’t HOPING it was, I was just warning that it might be.
Matt: Well, he would have been hanging from the building 25 feet above the ground.
Jay: Or she!
Matt: What?
Jay: Or she! Don’t be sexist. Chicks can be serial killers too.
Matt: Right, but they prefer “broads.”
Jay: Oh yeah. Anyway, that wouldn’t be much of an obstacle for a decent serial killer.
Matt: This being the Meth Capital of the world, I would say our serial killers are probably below average.
Jay: Good point. It would be more likely here.
Matt: Why?
Jay: They could stand in the bed of their raised pickup truck to reach a second floor window.
Matt: You’ve really thought this through, haven’t you?
Jay: I have a lot of free time on my hands.

Matt: We have a really awesome guest lined up for this week’s show man.
Jay: Yes. We. Do!
Matt: Debi Daly! (Blog Talk Radio, Twitter) 
Jay: More like Debi All Day, Every Day!
Matt: She’s really very interesting.
Jay: Kind of out there dude.

Matt: Oh yeah, but in a good way.
Jay: Totally!
Matt: She’s got a big following.
Jay: Legions of fans.
Matt: And a handful of haters.
Jay: TROLLS!
Matt: STALKERS!
Jay: Dudes are obsessed with her.
Matt: Which is understandable ‘cause she’s AWESOME!
Jay: Damn right, but still, no reason to hate or be jealous.
Matt: None at all.
Jay: So we’ll ask her about this drama and haters and trolls.
Matt: And the good people who defend her.
Jay: Like us!
Matt: Oh yeah.
Jay: And whatever else she wants to talk about.
Matt: Of course! She is our guest after all.
Jay: And we’re gentlemen.
Matt: Mostly.
Jay: This one could get pretty wild.
Matt: We can handle it.
Jay: We’re professionals!
Matt: Damn right!
Jay: I’m outta here!
Matt: Me too!

There you go kids. Be sure to tune in to Debi Daly Uncrossed on IWS Saturday Night at 11 PM ET as we welcome the very beautiful and talented Debi Daly to the show! What an awesome show this is going to be!

Grappling With Nostalgia

Cheeeeeers Chuckleheads, and Happy Friday!!

Recently the International Olympic Committee (IOC) announced that it is dropping wrestling from its list of sporting events effective with the 2020 Olympic Games.

I was shocked.  After all, wrestling is one of the most purest forms of sport ever, and I feel it is a sport that embodies the “Olympic spirit”, but evidently the IOC feels that while that may be true, it doesn't draw enough ticket sales or TV ratings.

I’m not a big wrestling fan myself, but I am a bit of traditionalist and one who can be very sentimental at times, and this news led me to think of things and people that I have experienced in my forty eight years that have gone to the wayside or been kicked to the curb.

So my friends…What follows is a list of people (excluding family, which is a given) and things that I miss from days gone by.

Rotary Phones…

Ah, the clickity clack sound of the rotary dialing.  I miss those big, black, ten pound, wall huggin’ phones.  I still remember the one we had at 1508 S. Limestone when I was 4 or 5 years old.

I remember one day standing on a chair and being handed the phone so I could talk to my sister Anne who was an army nurse in Vietnam.  It was mind altering hearing her from so far away.  The call was made even cooler by the fact that we had to say “over” when we finished our sentences.

I remember Anne telling me that she was sending my brother Marty and I piñatas.  We got them weeks later, but there was no candy inside. Darn clever those yellow devils, but I still do miss that phone.

Bunting…

Do some of you not know what a bunt is?  I’m sure you don’t, because today nobody in Major League Baseball knows how to lay down a good bunt.  When I played Little League, I received a trophy because I was so damn good at it.  The pitcher throws the ball and you either square around and bunt it where you want it to go, or drag it down the baseline at the last minute.

These days when the manly major leaguers go to bunt, they look like a female softball player takin’ a slap swing at the ball.  Pathetic!!

Phil Hartman…

I am not one who even comes close to being a person who suffers from celebrity worship syndrome, but Phil Hartman is one celeb that I did, and still do, adore.  Hartman was so damn talented in so many areas.  He was an actor, graphics guy, and just naturally funny.

You may know him from NewsRadio, or from SNL as the Anal Retentive Chef, but he always killed me when he played Bill Clinton.  That bastard had me at, “Warlords.”  Sadly, his drug addicted wife murdered him in 1998.  To this day I miss him, his talent, and the decades of laugh giving he had left in him.

Radio…

When I speak of radio, I specifically mean AM and short wave radio.  When I was a kid I would go to bed in Springfield, Ohio with an AM transistor radio and it was so cool, because at night I could pick up stations from NYC, Chicago, St. Louis, and hold on…Canada!! I thought that was so cool. Shortwave was the same thing only HUGE.  I could listen to stations all over the world!!

I still can, but it’s not a challenge.  I can just Google any radio station and click on to listen.  Back in the day it was work, I had to carefully get the tuner knob just right.  It was an accomplishment, and I miss that.

Yes, I just turned 48 recently, and I am not going through one of those “back in my day” things.  I love technology.  I love being able to talk to people I would otherwise never know. I love doing the IWS Radio show, but…

Just as wrestling was and is one of the roots of Olympic competition, the things that I have mentioned are part of my root system as a person, and I need to hold on to them if only in memory, and I hope that you too, take time to acknowledge things from your past that no matter how trivial, bring a smile to your face or make you reflect.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws

Is Karl Rove a Nazi?

Hola Comrades! By now you know that what started out as a smart-ass joke by a NY Daily News reporter, turned into a really moronic story on a right-wing website which then turned into a super embarrassing situation for Senator Rand Paul. The guy who ran the bullshit story that SecDef nominee Chuck Hagel had given a speech to the “Friends of Hamas” now claims that he had THREE separate sources for that story, but admits that he doesn’t know if they were being truthful or not. Well, since that’s how journalism is done, here is my report for IWS World Media for Thursday, February 21, 2013…

BREAKING NEWS! IWS World Media has learned from sources that the photograph of Karl Rove as a Nazi Officer distributed by the Tea Party, originally assumed to be a photoshop, is in fact REAL!

It turns out that Mr. Rove, AKA: Turd Blossom is a big fan of both Adolf Hitler and his Minister of Propaganda Joseph Goebbels! Rove has long admired Goebbels ability to put out all kinds of loony stories about his political enemies and make people believe it. In fact, he used Mr. Goebbels’ techniques when the Bush Administration convinced America to go to war with Iraq.

In addition to that, Rove has made many statements to friends and colleagues over the years about how much agrees with Hitler and Goebbels visions for the world. In fact, we have gathered some things that Mr. Rove has said over the years about different groups of people.

Blacks: “I just don’t see any use for black folks at all. I mean, I guess maybe some blues and jazz music, but nothing else. They freaking ruined basketball. It used to be a beautiful sport of men passing, screening and running backdoor plays then laying the ball off the backboard as softly as they touched their newborn baby’s cheek. Now? They run up and down the floor so fast and dunk the ball and jump so high and people think that’s exciting? Pathetic! Basically blacks are just lazy criminals who are just sitting around looking for a government handout. Not a single one of them ever worked hard for anything they have, and that includes Obama!” 

Latinos: “They do a good job mowing my lawn and keeping my flowers pretty, I’ll give them that. I’m also a big fan of Chicken Tortilla Soup which they seem to excel at making. And, they definitely can make Tacos and Burritos though. Honestly though? That’s it. If I never have to listen to another GOD-DAMN mariachi tune again it’ll be too soon. Seriously, all I think of them is how I’ll see 12 of them stuffed into a Toyota 4x4 on the highway or 27 of them living in a one bedroom apt. They live like animals!” 

Asians: “They do a good job of cleaning my suits and Asian Women are HAWT! That’s it though. They pretend to not understand what I’m saying when I know they speak better English than I do. They’re scheming, back-stabbing, lying, product-and-intellectual-property-stealing little bastards! They cut in front of you in line at the market too.” 

Jews: “Gass ‘em all! There will finally be jobs available to good Christians in the financial, media and entertainment world. Best of all, I won’t have to hear about that bullshit Holocaust story they made up for sympathy anymore. MY GOD I’m sick of that!” 

As you can see folks, Mr. Rove has a long history of saying very unfortunate and hurtful things about a number of minority groups. I know you are probably having a hard time believing that he actually said those quotes that I found on the internet. I can understand that, but let me assure you I have confirmed each of those statements with at least three separate people whom I interact with on a regular basis online and know for a fact to be quite reliable arbiters of the truth. Most of the time anyway.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS 

Editor’s Note: The body of this article has 666 words, which we here at IWS World Media consider to be confirmation from God that we believe everything written here that came from our trustworthy sources to be true. God wouldn’t lie to us.


In other news you should totally listen to Matt and Jay Uncrossed on Wednesday's I'm With Stupid. We talked about Mindy McCready shooting her dog, Tim Tebow being a raging bigot and Mississippi joining the 19th Century among other hilarious topics. Check it out!

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Christians of Convenience

Cheeeeeeers Chuckleheads…

We are already a full week into Lent and before you know it, many will be celebrating the fact that Jesus dangled from a cross, got stuffed into a cave, and then a couple days later walked back out in order to roam the Earth for awhile, pick up some Chinese food, and then head up the astral staircase to lounge about with his dad for all eternity.

What a great time to be a Christian!!

Of course…anytime is a great time to be a Christian, well…provided it doesn’t interfere with one’s personal moral compass, or their bigotry, or their intolerance, or…their whoring, their judging, their hypocrisy, their…well, you get the picture.

Yes indeed, even more so than at Christmas, during the Easter season there are Christians, Christians all around, yet not a drop of grace to drink.

Certainly, there are plenty of people who call themselves Christians and proudly sashay down the runway of pretentiousness draped in bejeweled trappings of haughtiness and a tiara or top hat of arrogance, acting as though they had just been named Mr./Miss Jesus Christ is Lord 2013, but…

Beneath the saintly veneer of these self-regaling righteous ones, exists the anti-soul of the Devil, and persons who have no time for beatitudinal details.

Take my neighbor, Little Jimmy Stewart for instance…Claims to be a devout Catholic…a devout Christian. Believes in in God, guns, and his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  Hell, he reminds me of Lt. Kendrick in A Few Good Men, albeit an out of shape Lt. Kendrick.

Seriously, ol’ Jimmy thinks of himself as a follower of Christ, so much that, he has scorned and chastised me for often using Christ as a comedy tool. “That’s not funny. You make fun of Jesus, and you are going to Hell.”

Two things about that…First of all, Jimmy boy has no sense of humor, because like it or not, using the purity and sanctity of Jesus and twisting it into something gross, sexual, and/or amoral is fucking funny, and secondly?

People like Jim, and there are plenty, shouldn’t tell me how offensive I am being by making Jesus jokes when their Facebook pages are littered with nothing but bigoted posts, anti-gay posts, Obama is a non-citizen nigger posts, and holding weenie roasts/Quran burnings like Jim did a couple of 9/11’s ago.

Hypocrisy I tellz ya…Hypocrisy in its basest and most definable form, and the pity is, most of them never see it, because, Jesus loves them this they know for their ignorance tells them so.

Hell I know a couple of women, one in particular.  She has the perfect family, the perfect marriage, goes to church religiously, and scorns me for not going to Church and like Jim, berates me for having some occasional comedic fun with the Holy Baby Jeebus. She too, has in the past, told me that I am going to Hell.

She’s really amazing because let me tell you, between her sinful vanity sessions of having her capped teeth cleaned, her manufactured tits adjusted, and giving blow jobs to the barber across town who is not her husband, I have no idea how the hell she has any time left in the day to judge me!!  But by golly, I guess the Lord gives her 25 hours in a day because…She’s a Christian!!

Uuch…

Listen folks.  It’s fine to call oneself a Christian.  I do, however…I admit my mistakes, my failings, my transgressions, and more often that not, publicly.  On Facebook.  Or on the air.  Or on here. Sometimes to Jayman’s chagrin…Anyhoo…

Here’s my Lenten message to all of you self-proclaimed Christians who rationalize your shortcomings and eat from the body of Christ ala carte…

Quit being such phony fucks.  There is no shame in failing as a human being and sinning here and there, but to pretend that you don’t, that is the greatest sin of all, because when you do that, you never seek forgiveness, and more importantly, you never change your ways.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
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Even More Onion Like Headlines

Hola y’all! You know what time it is? Hell yes! It’s time again for more Onion-Like Headlines.

- GOP tries to improve the party’s image by hiring Chris Brown as their new spokesperson.

- Obama now just using live streaming surveillance video from Drones to watch Sasha’s soccer games from the comfort of the White House.

- TNT Execs “Proud” of the job Reggie Miller is doing to ruin the NBA for every fan. Now ready to add him to the cast of Rizzoli & Isles to see if he can ruin that show too.

- Republican Congressman upset that he forgot to compare Obama to Hilter during Fox & Friends interview, asks for a “do-over.”

- Even black people say they’ve had enough of Alicia Keys for a while.

- Strippers looking to rest up and recover from wild NBA All Star weekend disappointed to find out that they’re staying at the same resort as Charlie Sheen.

- President Obama likes to use his Nobel Peace Prize as a paperweight to keep his Kill List from blowing away when someone opens the doors to the patio.

- Blogger and Speculative Comedian furious at the lack of recognition he received for his funny tweet that was “favorited” by five people.

- Marco Rubio erupts in anger at waitress who asked if he needed any more water.

- After seeing Katherine Webb on Inside Edition and then in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition, America decides that Brent Musburger has shitty taste in “babes.”

- Local Tea Party tries to hold up vote by Parks Committee concerning repainting of jungle gym until they get some answers on Benghazi.

- NYC Ad Firm admits they’re on a quest to make the stupidest commercial of all time.

- Only 147 years after the end of the Civil War Mississippi finishes ratifying the 13th Amendment abolishing slavery. Governor Phil Bryant was quoted as saying “Since I haven’t heard anyone else talking about this, I guess we’re the first state to ratify the amendment, right?”


Hoo-Wee! That was another good time with Onion-Like Headlines wasn’t kids? I thought so.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

It's President's Day, Hail to the Chef!!

What better way to laud our Presidents than to create an Executive Office restaurant with a full menu of culinary delights in their honor?

So to wit, and heretofore…

Welcome to the best eatery anywhere…Air Force Yum.

Ready for breakfast? How about trying an Abra-Ham and Cheese Omelet? Instead of eating it along with boring slices of toast, try our Mary Todd Lincoln Crazy Bread.

If you phone ahead, you can even reserve the coveted John Wilkes booth.

Eggs not your first choice? Perhaps you are more of a pancake and sausage kind of person, and prefer JFK to Honest Abe. No problem...

Order a plate full of our Bay of Pigs in a Blanket. The cakes are fluffy and the sausage has a hint of Cuban spices. Bueno!!

You can always stop by for lunch as well.

If you like a good hamburger try our Cow-Vin Coolidge Burger. We cook the beef until well done so the meat doesn't make a sound. Silent Cal would have it no other way.

A well made Club Sandwich is increasingly hard to find, but not at our place. We use three layers of the best turkey, ham, roast beef, and the freshest tomato and lettuce in ours.

This is a giant sandwich inspired by a giant in American Politics, Franklin Roosevelt.

Order this, and the only thing your hunger will fear will be the deliciousness of our Cripple-Decker Club.

Maybe you’d like to nosh on a few appetizers. We got ’em. Try our Teddy Roosevelt inspired, Speak Softly and Carry a Big Fried Cheese Stick.

Another popular snack is our William McKinley Buffalo Wings. They are to die for.

Another appetizer was recently added in speculative honor of the man who may be elected President in 2016.  We are now offering deep-fried whale nuggets.  So ahoy and climb aboard, as you delight in our new, Crisp Christie Bites.

We have plenty of dinner entrees from which to choose as well. One popular dish is our Chester A. Arthur Mutton Chops. These mutton chops are big and delicious just like Chester’s…minus the hair.

Not a glutton for mutton?

A rising star on our dinner menu is the other white meat in the form of our uber-juicy James K. Polk Chops.

These chops are butterflied and stuffed with spinach, bleu cheese, and seasoned with copious amounts of obscurity. Who knew that our eleventh President tasted so good!?

We also offer tribute to former White House Wizard, George W. Bush. For a big, Texas-Sized appetite try our Iraq of Lamb. Upon trying this dish, President Bush said, “Dang, these is some good.”

We offer some great Italian fare too. Start off with our Benjaminestrone Harrison soup, followed by a James A. Garfield of Arugula salad, and top your repast off with our award winning Harry Trumanicotti.

Are you more a fan of seafood and Obama? We've got you covered. Try either our Oysters Barackerfeller or our Deep Fried Mishellfish Platter.

Ready for dessert?  Delight in our Andrew Johnson Impeachment Cobbler, Sherbet Hoover, or even our world renown Hasty Tasty Pasty Cakes in honor of our only gay President, James Buchanan.

Well there you have it, a menu fit for a President. And don't forget...

If you like the food here and want to come back again and again, sign up for huge discounts by purchasing our William H. Taft Frequent Diner Card.  And folks…

Celebrate President’s Day by having a cocktail at Air Force Yum, as well.

We mix blue vodka, a splash of sweet Vermouth, a dram of Manischewitz, a shot of ego, and voila…

Mmmmm...I love a good Bill Clintini in the morning. Happy Presidents Day!!

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
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Babe of the Week: Nerd Babes

In honor of our very scientific week of meteors and asteroids and all that stuff, we here at IWS have decided that we will celebrate Nerd Babes as our Babe(s) of the Week!

Danica McKellar: Graduate of UCLA with a degree in Mathematics...

Natalie Portman: Harvard graduate with a degree in Psychology...

Felicia Day: A child prodigy violinist who turned down Julliard to attend the University of Texas and has degrees in both Mathematics and Music Performance...

Aisha Tyler: Environmental Policy degree from Dartmouth...

Mira Sorvino: Graduated with a degree in Chinese from Harvard...

Congrats to all the hot nerds who were awarded this week's Babe(s) of the Week! And, speaking of hot nerds, you should totally check out this week's I'm With Stupid. It was Open Line Saturday and Kentucky's Own Justin called in. We talked about what a wacky week it's been and covered The Pope, the Carnival Cruise that ended in disaster (and by "disaster" we mean Alabama) Chris Dorner and Justin's belief that The Pope would NEVER do anything illegal or immoral and his love of Drones! So, give it a listen!

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Matt Said, Jay Said 21613

Matt whimpers…Jay moans…You get their assisted living rooms ready.

Matt:  Hellooooo?
Jay:  Wait a minute…(garbled noise) (more garbled noise) Okay…Hi.
Matt:  What the hell were you doing?  Stuffing a dead hooker in your fridge?
Jay:  I was tryi----
Matt:  Hold on…my boss is calling me, I’ll you alert as to when he is done.
Jay:  Okay.

(five minutes pass, Jay calls back)

Matt:  Howdy.
Jay:  Could you answer your damn phone?
Matt:  I just did.
Jay:  I mean on the first ring.
Matt:  Hell no…I’m old, and my kidneys hurt.  Takes me awhile to get to it.
Jay:  Alright.
Matt:  How’s your back?
Jay:  It has felt like shit since I put together that table this week.
Matt:  Whatafuckingshame…What are we going to talk about on Saturday’s show?

Jay:  I was going to ask you.
Matt:  Well…I had two thoughts.
Jay:  Wow, that’s impressive…and unprecedented.
Matt:  Cute…Either, Open Phone Line Saturday, or a President’s Day show type thing and...
Jay:  Giving up Rose and Steel Reserve has made you more lucid, but I dunno, those ideas seem a bit….
Matt:  Orrrrrr…We could talk about guys who are afraid to give up Pepsi for Lent.

Jay:  I loooooove the Open Phone Line Saturday idea.
Matt:  Yeah. I mean the President’s Day thing would be good, but…
Jay:  But who really cares?
Matt:  Exactly…we want numbers and ratings.
Jay:  Damn right, we’re not beneath putting quantity before quality.
Matt:  Never have been.
Jay:  Never will.

Matt:  We can encourage listeners to call-in and get whatever is on their chest, off their chest.
Jay:  They could speak their mind about the Russian meteor, Chuck Hagel, or the State of the Union.

Matt:  They could chime in on Oscar Pistorius the legless sprinter who killed his girlfriend.
Jay:  Frankly, I am stumped as to why he did that.
Matt:  IKR?
Jay:  We could open up the phone lines for opinions on Christopher Dorner, and what constitutes a cabin.
Matt:  Excellent!!  We could also talk about the fact that today is Singles Awareness Day.

Jay:  It’s what?  Sing---?
Matt:  Singles Awareness Day.  After Valentine’s Day, single people have their special day.
Jay:  Oh wow…I didn't know that.
Matt:  Well now you do, so I guess in this case, an “Awareness Day” actually worked.
Jay:  How ‘bout that?  Fascinating.  I’ll make sure to nuke a special Hormel Meal for One today.

Matt:  So I guess we’re set.  Hope the listeners support our efforts and call-in, but if not…
Jay:  If not, we have plenty of magic with which to work our speculative comedy.
Matt:  Alrighty then. I will see you on the air at 11 PM ET tonight!!
Jay:  Yep…Provided my back doesn't go out again.
Matt:  And my kidney pain doesn't flare back up.
Jay and Matt:  I think we’re ready for Open Line Saturday!!

If you’d like to listen in, and or call-in LIVE TONIGHT at 11 PM ET on the IWS Open Line Radio Show you can click right : HERE
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Lent and Lunch are Like Peanut Butter and Jelly ... Or Something

Hola y’all! You know what? I’m kind of having a problem with two things, and they both begin with the letter “L.”  There are a lot of things that begin with the letter “L” that really suck. Just of the top of my head I can think of  love, loneliness, lobotomy, losers, litter, lawyers, licorice, lunatic, liars, liver, Lichtenstein, love letter, lizards, leprechauns, lice, lameness, loins, lettuce and well, LIFE!  I’m sure there’s a lot more, but you get the idea. But, like I said, there are two things that begin with “L” that are really pissing me off right now …

Lunch and Lent.

I really don’t care for either. They’re both stooooopid! And, I can never decide what I should do about either. So, I guess the obvious thing to do is combine the two. No, I’m not giving up having lunch for lent, but there are some things I’m going to give up having for lunch during lent.

Originally I was going to give up Pepsi for lent, but then I thought, fuck that. See, there are some very good reasons not to give up Pepsi for lent. 1) I don’t want to. 2) I won’t do it. 3) It’s not worth it.

I’ve done the lent thing a few times. I gave up alcohol one year, which was much easier than it seems. I gave up chips and fast food another year. Again, that wasn’t a really big sacrifice. Now, I know people say you should give up something big that you really love. This somehow brings us closer to God and gives us strength and blah, blah, blah. If that works for you then that’s great and I totally support your lifestyle choices. But, it hasn’t done shit for me. In fact, even after participating in this lent-thing what did I get from God?

HEARTACHE!

God damn right, bitches! Nothing but heartache. So, what’s the point? Why should I bother? Especially if I try something I know I’m not going to succeed at. Or worse, something I have no intention of succeeding at. In this case, trying and failing will not be superior in any way to not trying at all.

So, what to do? Ignore lent? Well, I’d like to. That would also mean ignoring Matt-Man’s attempts and guilting me into observing lent, which really wouldn’t be that hard to do. But, part of me feels like I should do something, if for no other reason to provide moral support for my partner in crime Mattcicle. Oh and that whole “get closer to God” thing too.

This is where lunch comes in. I’m terrible at lunch. I always end up eating something “bad.” I tend to have hot dogs, cheeseburgers, frozen pizza, breaded chicken patties, Beefaroni … shit like that for lunch. Well, that’s gonna just have to change. For lent I will give up those “bad” things that I have for lunch (including the chips I would have with some of those items). This way I will not only observe lent, but I will use it for good.

Trying to give up Pepsi, and failing, really wouldn’t accomplish a thing. But, if I stop eating unhealthy things at lunch, and replace them with healthier things or at least things not super unhealthy, then I will be doing something positive. It’s fucking brilliant!

So, the great Lent Crisis of 2013 has been avoided.*

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS


*I wrote this post on Wednesday, February 13, 2013, the first day of lent. But, since I had BBQ Pork Sandwich for lunch today, I started lent on the 14th. I checked with Jesus and he’s totally cool with it.

A Day of Wine and Roses

Today is the big day. Valentine’s Day…

A day when men purchase overpriced roses, perhaps a shiny bauble or two, and then take their loved one out for food and fine wine.

Later in the day, some men may even do the same thing for their wife or girlfriend.

What does said male unit get for his trouble and generosity?

That’s right…Heartache.

Love is cruel.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not completely against one’s love taking on the form of some type of tangible, commercial reward, but it should be mutual.

Too often it is not, and on this day I see too many men suffering from unrequited bling bestowment.

I guess one of my biggest peeves about Valentine’s Day is that Marketing Nazis attempt to coerce men into buying something for their target of affection.

Why buy something?

Creating something from one’s own heart, mind, and soul would be much more personal and romantic. Would it not?

For instance, this Valentine’s Day, I put together a memory box for Schmoop. It contains items that conjure up images from the first time we met.

The box contains a picture of a case of Bud Light, a leather belt, baby oil, and the very pair of red silk panties that she wore (albeit briefly) on the night we met.

That my friends, was a special night.

It wasn’t just love and roses though. There was some angst and regret of how quickly the passion unfolded. I tried to somehow bottle Schmoop’s regret from that night.

I decided to symbolize that feeling by filling a shot glass full of my urine and leaving the toilet seat up.

Matt-Man: Ar-teest d'Amour!!

See? Personal handcrafted gifts are much better than say, Pajama Grams. Have you seen those commercials for Pajama Grams? Gimme a break.

The ad says something like…Hey Guys, order your woman a sexy pair of pajamas for Valentine’s Day and have it delivered to her in a fancy hat box.

The ad and the visuals of it, imply that if a guy buys these “hot” PJs, she will be so happy that the PJs will later be flying off of her and she will be spread eagle on the bed.

Fuck That.

If I spend serious coin on pajamas for my ladies lady, I want her to leave them on and allow me to get my money’s worth out of them.

I want her to wear out that silky night garb to the point where her nipples have poked through the top, and the ass crack sweat has eaten away at the bottoms.

Passion is all well and good…but at what cost?

In spite of my extreme loathing slight cynicism about Valentine’s Day, I hope that yours is all that you’d like it to be.

Then again, you can do what I did this year...You can give up Valentine's Day for Lent.

Cheers…

Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws

And...If you missed IWS Radio LIVE yesterday, you catch Jay and I bashing the SOTU, Marco Rubio, the Pope, and all things Lent, by listening to the archives right c'here:

Breaking News: Matt & Jay Excommunicated

This is an IWS World Media Special Report: Matt-Man and Jayman Excommunicated from the Catholic Church. We received this from our special correspondent, Matt-Man’s brother Denny, who is said to be “tight” with the Pope…

VATICAN CITY – In one of his last decrees before stepping down, Pope Benedict XVI today announced that he has excommunicated “I’m With Stupid’’ blog creators Matt Man and Jayman.

“These evil souls will rot in the eternal fires of hell for their continued blaspheme not only of the one and only true Catholic God out there, but also against the one true God’s voice on earth – me,’’ the pope said in a statement. “They must pay for their sins, and what better way to do that than to bar them from all the benefits the church, such feasting on tasty bread and sweet wine each week.’’

Benedict, who reportedly is stepping down to spend more time with his very close longtime confidant Rev. Fritz von Goering, said Matt Man and Jayman are “the embodiment of Western civilization’s decline into heresy and hedonism.  I must make them an example of what happens to all those who spit in the eye of God and the Vatican. I can only hope that this drastic action I am taking will cause them to pause to reflect on behavior that can only be classified as ‘ungodly and uber fucking disgraceful.’  May almighty God (praise be upon him) have mercy on their putrid souls.’’

Pope Benedict XVI Abdicates...What a Fucking Shame

Cheers and Pax Vobiscum, Chuckleheads!!

Unless you have spent the past day or so inside the Tomb of Jesus, you know by now that one Joseph Ratzinger, who goes by the alias of Pope Benedict XVI, and the alias Vicar of Rome, as well as the alias, Blitzkrieg Benny, has…

Resigned, nay abdicated, his position as Pope and head of the Catholic Church, and in doing so, has kicked the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit to the spiritual curb, and has given a big ol’ kick to the groin and Zur Hölle fahren to every crappie crunching Catholic in the world.

Sad!!

Poor Pope Benedict XVI.  Says he’s not up to it any longer.  Poor St. Peter wannabe says he doesn’t have the strength to continue.  What a half-assed Holy See of Rome he is.  When he was elected Pope, instead of choosing the name Benedict, he should have opted for, Pope Bernice the Girly Man.

Un-fucking-believable!!

The Jews suffered and wandered the desert for forty years due to their faith.  Jesus suffered and wandered the desert for forty days due to his faith, and here we have Pope Candy Ass whose commitment to the Lord is so weak that even living in opulence for less than eight papal years, is too much for him, and can no longer continue to bear the cross for Jesus.

Pussy!!

Gee, I’m sorry, Your Ass-Holiness…Was the hat too heavy?  Was your gown to tight?  Did the weight of the Papal Ring give you carpal tunnel syndrome?  Or did the fact that the Swiss Guard soldiers that protect you, are ten to fifteen years older than what you and your priests like in a boy…er man…er boy, upset you?

Did the Popemobile not afford you enough leg room?

Jesus, Mary and Joseph, Dude!!

You do realize Herr Ratzinger, that other than two Popes over the 2,000 year history of Catholicism, that this Pope commitment appointment is a til’ death due us part, kinda thing.  And well…

If you are going to guilt trip the lay people who get married within the Catholic Church with that rule, you should hold yourself to the same standard.

You married the Catholic Church, and now you are saying…

“I have to divorce you…you have worn me down.”

Do you realize how many men that have been married in the Catholic Church have said that to their wife?  I know at least one, and if he EVER, (Praise Jeebus), gets divorced, you would hate me…er…him…forever.

Hypocrite!!

But we do have something in common…I said twelve years ago, “Fuck the divorce.”, moved out, and began to live in sin, and it has not been easy.  You on the other hand, get to separate from your “wife” and are set up for a life of cushiness.

So, enjoy your teachings and writings within your cloistered confines near the Vatican, and lavish in your bunker style summer home in Berchtesgaden, and I will sit here and think to myself…

Why do Catholics think the Pope is closer to God than they are?  What gives a Pope the right to direct their faith?  And then I’ll answer with the same answer that I have for years…

A Pope is never any closer to God than you or I, and I have a suggestion for the Catholic Church, and more specifically the College of Cardinals.

Could you for once, elect a Pope that doesn’t look like he needs the Last Rites read to him upon entering the Papacy?

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@yahoo.com
@mattman_iws

It's SotU Time, Let's Party!

Hola y’all! It’s time for the State of the Union again and I know you are as excited as I am. Don’t worry about the actual state of the union (Spoiler Alert: It’s shitty) or even if Obama thinks unemployment near 8% for the remainder of his presidency is just fine (Spoiler Alert: He does.).  That’s not what the SotU is about. It’s about getting together with friends and family and having a good time! What? You aren’t planning a SotU Soiree? Well you should be. And I’m here to help!

Anyway, here are some ideas to help you enjoy State of the Union …

Take one drink every time …

1. Obama gets a standing ovation from the democrats, but the republicans just sit there.
2. They show John McCain and he looks all pissed off.
3. John Boehner tears up.
4. Joe Biden appears to be nodding off.
5. They show Michelle Obama
6. Obama mentions jobs
7. Someone yells “YOU LIE” at Obama
8. They show Justice Scalia looking incredibly bored.
9. Obama uses some fake person in a small Midwestern town’s ordeal as an example of how we can do better.
10. Obama points out that the most challenging and important job he has is that of “Commander in Chief.”
11. He references God or Jesus.
12. Obama makes some vague reference to climate change
13. Affordable Care Act!
14. They show a celebrity sitting in the balcony
15. They show someone in uniform

Chug an entire beer if …

1. Any of the Republicans or Supreme Court members flip Obama off.
2. Obama points at a black guy and calls him “Mah Nigga!”
3. Obama actually makes a specific proposal that might work!
4. The camera catching Joe Biden scratching his balls.

Best snack food options for the SotU are gonna be a bit different from what you’d get at a Super Bowl party mostly because it starts a lot later. Just stick with some chips, cookies, candy of some kind, cupcakes, pie and maybe even ice cream. Be sure that it’s something that you can throw at the TV or spike on the floor in a fit of anger without doing any real damage though.

If they happen to show American’s first OPENLY bi-sexual and atheist congresswoman Krysten Sinema of Arizona, say “how YOU doin’?” and then take a bite of both your burrito AND fish taco at the same time.

If you’re a RACIST you don’t really care about the SotU you can always watch a movie!

How ‘bout “The Untouchables” set in Obama’s Chicago? (Editor’s note: Now that there are 8,491 murders being committed every single day in Chicago, the city’s correct full name is “Obama’s Chicago.”

Or maybe “The Cincinnati Kid” for Speaker John Boehner’s hometown.

If you prefer TV you can watch “The Bob Newhart Show” set in Obama’s Chicago

Or of course, “WKRP in Cincinnati” for the Speaker who is a big Les Nessman fan.

Or, crazy as it sounds you could just entertain yourself listening to Matt-Man and me talk about writing on I’m With Stupid! Hells yeah! We talk about our writing process, inspirations, tips and all kinds of funny and other charming stuff. You should totally check it out.

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

Babe of the Week...Ladies of the Write

Last night Jay and Matt talked about writing and writers on the IWS Radio Show, so in keeping with that, here's a few Writing Babes of the Week:

Sylvia Plath...A hot and tortured writer of the past.  Mysterious, dark, but I hear she was a hoot at parties....

Nora Roberts...Prolific author of romance novels who looks like a less attractive Pat Benatar...

J.D. Robb...Prolific author of thriller/mystery books who looks like a less attractive Nora Roberts...

J.K. Rowling...The creator of Harry Potter and ruler of a vast empire consisting of fame, wealth, and a legion of geeky followers...

And there you have it...If you missed Jay and Matt live as they talked about writers and writing, you can catch the show right here:

Matt Said, Jay Said, Helen Hunt Naked

Matt speaks, Jay speaks, You listen (kinda).

Matt: Helloooooooooooooooooo
Jay: *sings* “I wanna sex you up”
Matt: Uh
Jay: *sings* “You make me feel good”
Matt: I do? … Ummm …
Jay: *sings* “I wanna rub you down …”
Matt: OKAY THAT’S ENOUGH!
Jay: Am I making you uncomfortable?
Matt: Eve more than usual.
Jay: Aww yeah!
Matt: STOP! JESUS DUDE!
Jay: You know you’re turned on.
Matt: I hate you.
Jay: That really hurts.
Matt: I know, but it was necessary.
Jay: I don’t think it was.

Matt: Hey. Whatever happened to Helen Hunt?
Jay: Random question is random!
Matt: Well, for some reason I thought of her this morning.
Jay: She was great in “As Good as it Gets”
Matt: One of my favorite movies.
Jay: Anyway, Helen Hunt?
Matt: I love her and she just disappeared.
Jay: She just had a movie come out this year.
Matt: Really? What was it about.
Jay: She plays some kind of sex therapist.
Matt: Really?
Jay: Wait … Actually a sex SURROGATE.
Matt: REAAAAAAAALLLLLLY?
Jay: And ... She gets all kinds of nekkid in that movie!
Matt: Nice! Totally nude?
Jay: Full-Frontal dude! And she looks amazing for her age.
Matt: Her age?
Jay: Yeah, she’s like late 50’s near 60 right?
Matt: No way!
Jay: *checks Google* She’s 49.
Matt: Yeah, see? Not nearly that old.
Jay: She doesn’t look that great for her age then.
Matt: Now that was hurtful!
Jay: Ha! I’m kidding! She’s gorgeous.
Matt: Damn right!

Jay: Got any ideas for the show?
Matt: Nope. You?
Jay: We could talk about writing again.
Matt: That’s not bad.
Jay: Actually last time we talked more about books and authors and not writing.
Matt: Right. We can talk about OUR writing.
Jay: Things that inspire us.
Matt: Different styles.
Jay: Our hopes
Matt: And dreams!
Jay: The whole writing process.
Matt: It fits with my post on Friday.
Jay: And all our “Favorite and Least Favorite Words” stuff.
Matt: Oh God it’s brilliant!
Jay: So good it hurts.
Matt: Don’t get weird on me again.
Jay: I gotta be me.
Matt: Well … I guess.
Jay: Thanks.
Matt: Whatever.
Jay: Okay, we’re all set!
Matt: Monster show coming up!
Jay: Should I sing on the show?
Matt: Never.
Jay: So, Sooooo hurtful.
Matt: It’s for your own good.
Jay: I guess.
Matt: Okay, let’s do it!
Jay: AWESOME!

Okay kids. More brilliance in action. Or something like that. Anyway, listen to “On Writing Deux” Saturday night at 11 PM ET on I’m With Stupid!!!